Reality, really?

In most futile arguments, one of the most common telltale phrases that indicate this is going nowhere is "Well, the reality is..."
Every Enneagram style has, in a minor key, its own reality. An argument is precisely about what is real. If one side insists that his/her reality is THE reality, then no real discussion can take place. The only way to have a discussion is to ask "what is your reality?" Reality here means where do you place your weight, your emphasis, your concern, your primary values etc.
The "reality" is the conclusion, not the starting point.
One of the lovely benefits of learning the enneagram is to realize that what is real for one person is quite different from what is real for another.
One way to get at the reality concern is to learn, by osmosis, inference or direct questioning, what is at stake? What does the other person think might or must happen if they don't get their way?