I want to

Aristotle said it first: "All men by nature desire to know." Then in 1993 a British author, Alfie Kohn, wrote "Punished by Rewards." He argued, brilliantly, I think, that extrinsic rewards actually hurt intellectual performance - that if left to our own devices our natural curiosity makes us learn more than if we are rewarded. Now, Daniel H. Pink has a new book, Drive, that repeats the point and situates his argument in the context of contemporary business.

Republicans will be furious if this principle gets out. They insist that unless you force people to work by starving them if they don't, that workers will just sit and love idleness. Aristotle, Kohn, and Pink say "No, if people are not blocked, they will naturally love to learn, work and create. It's in our DNA." And both Pink and Kohn show experiments that illustrate even monkeys are naturally problem solvers without external rewards being necessary.

Enter the Enneagram. Our desire to learn and to create is not arbitrary. Each style has an inner direction for their creativity: Twos want to create in a different way than Sixes. So when we try to improve (ourselves or others as a coach), we need to know what the intrinsic motivators are. They are more powerful than any imposed goals, rewards or punishments.

Relate

A beloved nephew, Cy Monley, married Saturday. In addition to the jubilation proper to the occasion, one can consider if the Enneagram has anything to say about marriage or relationships. The usual question is, "What types have problems and what types are most compatible.
The answer is easy. When the people are healthy, their types don't make any difference. What the Enneagram articulates is "if they have a conflict," then "here's how these types decay into conflict."
This is a specific application of the general principle: when we are on our game, we live in the present, act and react appropriately and forgive each other when either doesn't do either of those: act or react appropriately." Appropriate is one of those weasel words like "reality," that defies definition because it is context-dependent.

A fabulous researcher, Gottman, could predict whether or not a couple could have a happy relationship by language analysis. A good Enneagram teacher could come close by discerning how deeply fixated each style was. The first clue one looks for is rigidity. If either party has standard, inflexible responses, trouble brews. It doesn't matter if the response is to hide, to fight, to run, to do anything. If that is their 90% pattern, the couple has little chance.
But flexibility, a wide range of options on how to handle any situation, will be a sign of health that bodes well.
I wish Cy and his new bride, Christina, all the riches reality can bring. From what I can discern (which I've told him is a lot), they are going to be delightfully happy.

Morality

Dr. Andre Rushkowski, the director of communications at my graduate school in Toronto told me precisely how to evaluate morality in movies. What gets punished in the narrative is immoral, what is allowed or rewarded is moral.

Boston Legal is popular and sophisticated. But conservatives who see sex as the main sin while cool about violence to people, animals or the planet will see their worst fears realized. The people the drama has us love are eloquent in the defense of ecology, honesty in politics, fairness in economics and legal rights for all are simultaneously indulging in lascivious sex much of the time.
We grow to love Alan Shore, who propositions a new girl every other show and who defends every underdog and every liberal cause: honesty, fairness and compassion. He defends principle above the law, whether it is euthanasia, ecology, abortion rights, or the common good over private property. William Shattner is a lovely foil: he is the archetypal Republican: racist, bigot, gun fanatic, loves all wars and is equally sexually indulgent.

The cultural message is clear. Consensual sex of almost any kind is OK. Lying, cheating, stealing, racism, religious intolerance and bigotry is not.

Great Expectations

When things go predictably wrong, others say to us, "Well, what did you expect?" What was predictable to them somehow escaped us. You dated her, you invested there, you looked for a job someplace -- and when it didn't work out, a friend looks puzzled and asks, "Well, what did you expect?"
Each enneagram style with its worldview and focus of attention, has implicit expectations. You will save yourself a lot of mistakes, and possibly heartaches, by knowing what your expectations really are. Our expectations are powerful. Every wise boss knows that his or her expectations become, for many employees, marching orders. Every spouse knows that the expectations of the other simply must be considered or trouble will follow.

I'll give you an example or two, but in addition to your Enneagram style, you may have some expectations that are personal to you. If you are a Six, you expect things to go wrong. Sixes routinely take precautions, insist on detailed disclosure and relish backup plans because they "know" (they expect) that things will go wrong.

Fours frequently expect to be rejected. Remember the old story of the man who had a tire go flat out on a country road? He didn't have a jack to fix the tire. He was about a mile from a farmhouse and all the way to the farmhouse he muttered to himself, "He's probably got vicious dogs, he is probably in bed already because it is almost dark, he probably doesn't trust strangers" etc. He finally got to the house, there were no dogs and when he knocked on the door, the farmer stuck his head out the window and asked what the trouble was. "Keep your damn jack!" the man shouted. We all have some legitimate fears of rejection (remember your first date?) but Fours really expect rejection.
Therapists use an interesting word, "pull." If we expect something, we unconsciously "pull" for it, because we "know" that attitude or behavior is there and we want it out in the open.
So check your expectations. You're going to get some of what you expect.

Family values

One of the salient characteristics of an Enneagram style is a perceptual bias along with patterned responses, a type of behavioral bias. An Eight will get loud, a Seven will get funny, a Nine will withdraw etc.

So for today's blog I think it only fair to let my readers know that I have a political bias. This bias is a family one; the quotation below was sent by a family member, approved by at least four other family members and is indicatory of both my family patterns and my Enneagram style. It is also indicatory of a background that includes reading books, so I have political persuasions not found on talk radio. As far as I can discern, talk radio here in Kansas does not include information found in books or articles with footnotes and complete sentences.

Did you know that the words "race car" spelled backwards still spells "race car"?
Did you know that "eat" is the only word that, if you take the 1st letter and move it to the last, spells its past tense, "ate"?
And if you rearrange the letters in "so-called tea party Republicans," and add just a few more letters, it spells: "Shut the fuck up you freeloading, progress-blocking, benefit grabbing, resource-sucking, violent, hypocritical assholes, and face the fact that you nearly wrecked the country under Bush."
Wow! How weird is that?